He smirked into her head as her brain started to yell and grumble and combust in no order he could discern. It was a bit disconcerting, to be sure. One did not want to be hearing someone else's internal diatribe about how they wanted to burn one alive on their own head. That was just ridiculous. Atrocious. Alarming. Fortunately, the personality-less Flying Machine was quite reliable and would come and get him if there was any danger... or so he thought. Hmmm, damn. He had to have some sort of escape plan. 

"Look, you... Hat. I have some Very Important Things to do, okay? And not a lot of time since according to you I'm about to suffer a stroke and a heart attack. So what do you expect me to do about it? And how did you find me?" 

Right. Here was a person who had asked him a question. This was what he had been waiting for. He geared himself up for a lecture, pleased beyond measure.

"First of all, I commend you on your witty repartee. There is a reason I didn't put you in Ravenclaw." He avoided calling her a clodheaded nincompoop but it was a close thing. "Secondly, I expect nothing. As you said, I am a Hat, though I do not attach such loathing to that term. Hats are really useful and ancient beings, though some were just clothes. The first record of a hat in the world is in a painting in a cave at Lussac-les-Chateaux in Central France and it dates back to 15,000 BCE. I'd have more respect for Hats, young lady! 

"I found you through the magical mandible network. Obviously," he added, with a tone of infinite contempt, though he knew it wasn't like the magical mandible network was a known thing where it was capitalised and abbreviated, though considering how many things the MMN sorted out, the Sorting Hat really thought it should be. "And, though I expect nothing, I suggest that you tackle your monsters. It has served others better than drinking and sniffing their sorrows. Others have lost plenty too, as you would know. You try to remember, don't you? You try to keep them alive. But if you turn away from this, from a call for help from the school, then really, are you honouring anyone's memory at all? And all you keep alive are monsters you are not fighting too well. Anyway, you wouldn't be doing it alone. There are others in the castle now. A few and not all friendly.  

"And now, let me ask you something, Jezebel Bain. Why wouldn't you go back? Why wouldn't you fight for Hogwarts when you fight for others? There had better be more of a reason than your annoyance of me!" The Hat harrumphed and fell silent, waiting for her response.